you keep making me ill instead of making me better you....

It´s like someones trying to make me ill. Ì know it´s been tough during xmas but i never realize just how tough it is. Maybe because I never seem to let it out. I dont express myself when it comes to the pain that I go through. But now I do. I think that I really need to get to the place where Im at peace with myself. With the God. Because nothing seems to be meaningful. Even artistic stuff. Seing an artist on stage makes me happy for a second but then I realize how  I feel about it. That it´s pointless. But today I thought about it. I was listening to random songs on youtube and I finally relaxed. I´d been so stressed because of a visit and the kids who were here gave the air so much thickness that the headache I have most mornings turned worse. I even tried to do some school work in the midst of it. But the I capitulated and started cleaning. Which felt like torture. Loud sounds are the worst. I think I am a home person. I need peace big time... We talked about sensitive children. And my mum said that she was sorry that she hadn´t read the sensitive people book earlier. Because of me and Rene... and my dad... It felt wierd to be overwhelmed again because of too much stimulation and then they start to talk about it like that. In that odd form. BEcause they aren´t like this. They arent very ´sensitive´. But it´s so touching I think. It makes me cry sometimes when my mum talks about it. Because I could never say it that simple. especially not when it hurts

It seems wierd to be thinking about marriage. what if it happens? im not able to be very social until it starts to hurt again . And I get so tired. and sick sometimes. If my skin doesnt hurt then its my body. I think my body is hypersensitive as well. it seems so odd to say that. But i guess I need to give it what it wants. Rest. GOod nutrition. All the time. But I just feel so bad so easely when Im eating. Everything is so..dirty and unhealthy. ANd I have to look everything up all the time. which makes it so stressful
so im either adhd or ocd. Which sucks.




Just Like a Pill






I’m lyin’ here on the floor where you left me

I think I took too much

I’m crying here, what have you done?

I thought it would be fun



I can’t stay on your life support, there’s a

Shortage in the switch,

I can’t stay on your morphine, cuz it’s making me

Itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes

Being a little bitch,

I think I’ll get outta here, where I can



Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you’re just like a pill

Instead of makin’ me better, you keep makin’ me

Ill

You keep makin’ me ill



I haven’t moved from the spot where you left me

This must be a bad trip

All of the other pills, they were different

Maybe I should get some help



I can’t stay on your life support, there’s a

Shortage in the switch,

I can’t stay on your morphine, cuz it’s making me

Itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes

Being a little bitch,

I think I’ll get outta here, where I can



Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you’re just like a pill

Instead of makin’ me better, you keep makin’ me

Ill

You keep makin’ me ill



Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you’re just like a pill

Instead of makin’ me better, you keep makin’ me

Ill

You keep makin’ me ill



I can’t stay on your life support, there’s a

Shortage in the switch,

I can’t stay on your morphine, cuz it’s making me

Itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes

Being a little bitch,

I think I’ll get outta here, where I can



Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you’re just like a pill

Instead of makin’ me better, you keep makin’ me

Ill

You keep makin’ me ill