WEdnesda

y.

This day is always odd and so I spell it oddly.

I am so very tired but I need to write something. Don´t know what but just some random thoughts I should have written down days ago. To prevent insanity from happening!

I just stayed awake for as long time as I could. That is my thing you know. I just try to rejoice about the fact that I have all the time that I want. I guess I do feel the opposite in general .Even though I don´t have a real job these days. I don´t know when I should be able to.

It has been one of those days again where I didn´t plan much. But what I planned was changed. I thought I was gonna struggle actually because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I did. But I am ready now to sleep and I went to the gym and I did some homework and I played my guitar. And Im writing now. So its good. I almost wrote 'perfect'.

I am waiting for the 29th of December to show it´s interesting face. It has to be interesting at least. Im going to go to the doctor who´s supposed to be able to give me a diagnosis. Which Im not so scared of anymore.
I hope that the future will be brighter. That it will be easier to afford therapy and alternative medicin and treatment such as massage and cleansing/detoxification-ishthings and lots of healthy stuff.
Im gonna have to fight for this.

Im gonna have to sit down once in a while and write and read and think. And think about prioritizing. What I prefer. What I hate to do. What makes me sick. what is the hardest. Its so important. And also to be alone. Not always with someone but loneliness without being too lonely and even when that happens-....without calling the whole phonebook..